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Jz.

Dreams and Death

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I started to think about death in my junior year of high school, when I heard about the 2012 "end of the world" apocalypse. At first, I admit that I was scared, lying in bed just thinking about it made my whole body shake. As time went on I got used to the idea that life is finite, that one day I will die. I wasnít scared anymore. Then, I started to wonder what happens after death. Is it nothingness? I thought. No. It canít just be nothingness. There would have to be something; anything. Possibly a rebirth, or perhaps you start your life over when youíre born and your life will slowly get better each time you die. Is there heaven and hell? And honestly, who really knows? I started to think that maybe when people die, they dream. For example, if youíve done a whole load of bad things in your life and you have a guilty conscience, youíll have nightmares. It would be your own personal hell. You must also consider the counterpart to this theory. Perhaps youíve led a good life. Maybe you would have nothing but good dreams, and it would be your own heaven. Maybe Iíve already died, and this is all a dream. What if I were to wake up one day and Iím 11 years old, and this life of 22 years was completely pointless? I would possibly be able to start over and maybe do better, or learn from mistakes that Iíve made in dream. Such thoughts continue to take their course in my brain, and as they continue to run their course, I can't help but be dumbfounded. I couldnít say that there is nothingness, though. Itís just not me, but rather if God exists or not there just has to be something more.

One thing humans have in common with animals is that we all dream. Mightn't the dog or cat suffer the same fate? Or perhaps they just dream after death.

quote taken from jrbPatriot of intoxgaming:

ďWhat if you were dreaming right now, and in your dream your mind has made up the entire world. Every nation, religion, and person in the world was just conceived by your mind. It even made up the internet. None of this is real, not even this post. Death isn't even real, you yourself have never experienced it, it could be just another thing made up by your mind. If this was true, and you were dreaming, then where the fuck are you right now? Who are you? Do you even exist? Is there such thing as the "Real World" if this is just a dream?Ē
I believe statements like these make you think critically about life, and the meaning of it.

The God Helmet, a study on the brain.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y02UlkYjSi0

In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written ďThe kingdom of God is within man.Ē I believe it is not in one man himself, nor a group of men, but in all men. The brain is a powerful part of the body. So powerful, in fact, that we donít even have full control over it.

quote taken from Firetaco of intoxgaming:

ďLUE, I am currently feeling the most bizarre emotion ever.Ē
From: kperspon | Posted: 7/15/2005 12:18:31 PM | Message Detail

I do not know what emotion exactly that I am feeling. I'm relieved, but saddened at the same time. I'm feeling kinda woozy. Everything feels so surreal. I'm about to break down and cry, out of either happiness, or sadness, or both, I'm not quite sure. It's like I got a second chance... but lost what I had already earned... and I really don't know what's going on any more. I don't even know if I'm typing this out, I don't know if this is actually happening. I... I just... I just don't know if anything is real anymore...

Well, maybe I should explain, before I keep going:

I had a dream, last night, LUE. A long dream. A very, very, very long dream. Now, this dream was totally regular. There was nothing in it where anything fantastical or obviously impossible happened, at least out of what I remember. This dream was just like an ordinary life. It was like an ordinary dream. Except the events in my dream lasted from July 15th, 2005, to April 9th, 2006. What that means is, I Ďlivedí out almost 10 months of a fake life. Everything that happened to me was all a dream. All of my accomplishments, everything I did, it was all fake. This part greatly saddens me, because so many good things happened to me and my family in my dream. I want a lot of it back.. The more happy part is that all of the negative things that have happened didn't actually happen. That part makes me happy. I get a second chance at some things, and some things that were out of my control probably won't happen in real life. Anyways, I'm still totally blown away by this whole thing. I'm contemplating going to a psychiatrist, because if this sort of thing ever happens again, I don't know what I'm going to do. The whole ordeal is very taxing on me mentally. Almost a year of my life just disappeared. It may somewhat extend my lifespan, but I never want to go through it again. Anyways, even now, I'm feeling like this might not be real. I'm not sure yet.

This morning I woke up, around 10:00, and automatically freaked right out. I wondered why my alarm hadn't gone off, I wondered why my mom hadn't gotten me up, and I wondered if the school had called yet. I had thought I was late. I looked for my family, and I couldn't find them, so I just ate breakfast really fast, and showered. Then I just ran to school. When I got there, I realized it was damn hot out, and the school was locked. I saw a woman walking nearby, and asked her if it was Saturday. She told me it was actually Thursday, which really didn't explain why the school was closed. Anyways, I just kind of left her, and started walking home. Right before I got home, I saw a poster for some carnival, and the date was listed as July 20th, 2005. I just stared blankly, and then asked some man what the date was, and he said it was July 15th. I stared at him for a while, too, and then went home. When I got home, I checked the calendar, and it said it was 2005. When I saw that, I broke down crying. I didn't know what the **** was going on. No one was home, so I went into my room to check some stuff. I looked for my copy of Evolvus that I had bought just a week and a half ago, which I couldnít find. I couldnít find a bunch of my clothes. I couldnít find a bunch of stuff. I was really freaked out at this point, and I didnít know what to do. After sitting in my room for like an hour, I decided Iíd phone some of my friends. Now, you have to know, a few weeks ago, I just moved, so I donít have any friends where I live now. So, when I got to my phone, none of the speed dial numbers were there. I didnít know what to do, so I called an old friend of mine from back where I used to live. I didnít know what to say, when they picked up, and I just started bawling. Tony, my friend was all cheerful, and when he heard me, he sounded really surprised, I guess. He asked why I was crying, and I just told him that I didnít know what the **** was going on. Now, I should also tell you that in the dream

From: kperspon | Posted: 7/15/2005 12:18:49 PM | Message Detail

two of my old friends died in a car crash. I knew damn well that Tony wouldnít joke around about them dying, so I just outright asked them if John and Michella were still alive. He told me they were, and he just saw them last night. He started to ask me what was going on, and I just told him I had to go, and I hung up. Anyways, at that point, I started to think that everyone I knew was trying to play some sort of evil trick on me. So, I went and checked CNN and they were talking about the London bombings, so I knew that the date everything said was actually the real date. Well, at that point, I just went into my room, curled up into the fetal position, and tried to understand what had happened. I came to the conclusion that it must have been a dream. I struggled with the concept of a dream spanning such a long time period, but thatís the only thing I can think of.

Anyways, now, LUE is the first place Iím telling about what happened. I think I really should explain to Tony eventually, and Iím for sure telling my parents when they get home. But, there are two things that I have to think about:
a) Do I need to go see a psychiatrist?
b) With all the arts and stuff that my mind came up with in the dream, should I try to pursue a career in one of the arts? I mean, I watched movies that didnít exist, I played video games that hadnít happened, or sometimes, I experienced a rendition of those things that Iím sure isnít what the true version is like. I even read books that havenít been written, Iíve seen art that hasnít been created. My mind has the potential to make that stuff, I just donít know if I can actually unlock it.

And, of course, various things had happened that I want back. My dad got a promotion, my mom found a better job, LUE had a second set of sign-ups, and it entered a new golden age. There are bad things too, like me failing some of my courses, and naturally, my two friends dying. But really, this is probably the most negative experience of my life. Itís just soÖ unfairÖ I kind of want my life back. I really, really feel strange about this. Anyways, I just had to tell someone, for now.Ē
In conclusion, maybe we dream when we die. Maybe we experience the greatest of all feelings, or perhaps the worst. I suppose we will just have to wait and see where the end takes us.


Updated 06-10-2012 at 04:27 AM by Jz.

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