How to Win on ZM Maps
HOW TO WIN ON ZM MAPS
An intimate lesson from Brett Favre
Greetings fellow forum-ites. Now if you're like me, you hop into zm from time to time, black out for a bit, and soon thereafter find yourself with the tangy but satisfying aftertaste of a gun barrel in your mouth. "How did I get here? What brought me to this lowly state?" you thoughtlessly wonder to yourself. Well you, sir or madam, have been the victim of IDIOCY.
Yes, the children, trolls, and morons of IBIS' ZM server have shattered your concept of reality with endless mic spamming, incessant HLDJ usage, and their inability to grasp the concept of teamwork. Nowhere is this more obvious than on the ZM_ maps.
So what is a zm_ map? Well for starters, it's any map that has "zm_" at the start of its name, fucktard. The concept here is to survive the zombie apocalypse 5 minutes at a time, using map props and good teamwork to make and defend barricades. So besides the morons, what's the problem with these maps?
1. SECRET ROOMS. Cuz fuck those places. There are secret rooms which have no apparent entry and you just have to learn how to get to them. lots of times, they're virtually impenetrable, making it really really stupid.
2. MAKING CADES. Seriously, the planning and shooting and fixing and defending of a cade is a skill, and it's what distinguishes those who can from those who cant.....
......or does it?
Taking advantage of the shortcomings of your zombie competition is easier than expected at times, and I'm going to show you how to win at ZM using a few examples of my own successes.
SUCCESS #1: The Pro Cade
The first way to win is by making a good barricade, preferably alone. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to build the Eiffel Tower with the props you're given. In this example, my barricade is constructed in a postmodern art-deco style, showcasing simplicity and a feng shui element which gives it the appearance of being an unkempt pile of junk. The design is in fact based off early 16th century Portugese architecture, and the aura of brilliance emanating from it confuses zombies, and they will not find you in such a barricade. Build one of these works of art and you don't even need to defend it.
SUCCESS #2: Being Intimate With Your Surroundings
The second way to succeed in zm_ maps is to be intimately acquainted with a solitary prop and two walls. Find yourself a corner off the beaten path, where oft-neglected props are sure to dwell. Back yourself into the corner and strip down to your skimpies, then do a little dance...entice the lonely prop to join you. Once it's within range, carefully insert yourself into the prop (in this case, a sexy single soda machine). Upon achieving penetration, the prop will consider you its life mate, and will ward off all foes in order to protect your vulnerable fleshy body.
SUCCESS #3: The Osama Bin Hidin'
This one's rather simple. Much like the theories surrounding the early whereabouts of Bin Laden himself, you can simply hide yourself within an apparently impenetrable fortress of mountainous caves. Or boxes. Boxes work too. Regardless, the zombies assume you have a massively powerful and lovingly dedicated army of guards surrounding you and will not so much as attempt to find and tag you for fear of being suicide bombed.
SUCCESS #4: Urban Camouflage
The final success in this lecture is the art of urban camouflage. Hiding in plain sight but off of the beaten path is a great way to evade enemies. In the image below you can see I've masterfully disguised myself as the sleazy soda machine (no relation to the sexy soda machine) within the confines of an educational facility's parking garage. This method requires artful cunning, nerves of steel, and buns of wheat...preferably with sesame seeds.
Using the methods described above, you will be able to outwit, outfox, and outcamp your competition to...whatever is the opposite of suicide. As an added bonus, with each of the methods described above, you have about 4.5 minutes to do something else, eliminating the massive amounts of stress caused by attempting to survive the zombie apocalypse.
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Originally Posted by anex
