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Thread: The most unrealistic shit ever just happened to me. You would not fucking believe it.

  1. Default The most unrealistic shit ever just happened to me. You would not fucking believe it.

    I was at Walmart buying oil for my car, and I'm leaving to get into my car and a guy gets my attention. I decided to give him a chance to explain himself, and he said he was looking for an address someone had written down for him and wanted to know if I could take him there. I told him I didn't know where it was and maybe he could check in Walmart for someone to help him. He pleaded for me to help him at least get to a church or a temple nearby and I told him there was a church down the street he could probably walk to. He asked if I could take him there and I told him I'd really like to help him but I don't know him and it's an issue of safety. He pleaded more and insisted on me patting him down for weapons if I wished and he even showed me his legs and lifted his shirt to prove he was clean. He asked if I could at least walk him to the church if I didn't trust him to be in my car. He said he wasn't a beggar and opened his fanny pack and it was LOADED WITH HUNDREDS.

    At that point I'm like what the fuck is going on, what the fuck am I getting into? He insists he must get to a church so he can give them the money and he shows me a letter from his attorney. The letter stated that his uncle passed away and in his uncle's will he requested that his assets be liquidated into money and that the money would be distributed out anonymously in $1000 increments to those in need. I asked him if he could call his lawyer or something and verify with me that this was legit. His lawyer could not tell me where he was and who he actually was because it was a conflict of interest in the case since the money had to be distributed anonymously. He turned out to be a man from Africa, and just wanted to fulfill his uncle's requests so that his soul may rest. I judged the situation logically; he had no weapons on him, he had way more money than anything I had to steal was worth, and he could barely even speak English, and the ring and watch he was wearing was probably worth as much as my house because they were covered in diamonds.

    I took him to the church down the street and he was unsure about giving the money to them and asked me if I thought they would actually help him, and I told him honestly I don't know what they'll do. He saw an old man walking down the street and asked me if I should ask him and I told him I don't think he should be talking to anybody at all with all that money on him. He insisted on asking the old man for directions and told him he just came to America and needs to find the address. The old man thought he was a beggar and tried to offer him money to get a meal, and the African man got offended for a second and asked me if the old man was insulting him. I told him no, he is just trying to offer you help, and then he understood and showed the old man his money. The old man stepped back for a second and was shocked and told him to put the money away. I looked up the address on the phone that the man needed to get to, and apparently it was a fake address that a cab driver had given him to get money from him and get rid of him. He decided he wanted to give half of the money to me and half of the money to the old man and he wanted us to take care of giving it to people who needed it. I said I'd do whatever he felt was right with it, and the old man ended up getting in my car too (they squeezed into the passenger seat) and we went to Wells Fargo to put it into a safety deposit. He didn't understand the concept of banks exactly and wanted to make sure the old man would be able to get the money back. The old man went inside to take his own money out to prove that he had his own money and wasn't going to steal the African man's money.

    At this point, there's two unknown black guys in my car with literally about $500,000 in cash and I'm fucking afraid that I'm either going to die or go to prison and then die. The African man trusts the old man because he showed him his own money, so he did a Swahili prayer to bless the money and had the old man deposit his half. While we were waiting, he asked how much money I had because he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to just spend all the money too and I tried to explain to him that I don't have money like that saved up, I live paycheck to paycheck, but he didn't understand and he was afraid I wasn't going to do the right thing with the money, so I told him if that's how he feels then it's entirely up to him.

    After discussing for a while, he decided that he would go with the old man and have the old man help him. He asked me if he needed to pay me anything, and I told him it's completely up to him, and whatever he feels in his mind is right is fine and that I didn't need to be paid. We then parted our ways and I called two of my friends and started fucking freaking out over the phone cause I could have just died and I had no idea what the fuck I just went through. I was literally pacing back and forth around my house for like 30 minutes cause I was trying to calm down and comprehend what the fuck just happened.

    My life is a fucking movie, I swear.
    Last edited by yed; 08-12-2009 at 08:09 PM.

  2. Default

    Dude sounds like he was just trying pawn off his drug money to someone so he track you down later and cut you into tiny pieces

    Good luck!

    Clone

  3. Default

    lol movie it is

  4. Default

    Sounds fun.

    The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

  5. Default

    White wall of text

  6. Default

    I know it's hard to read because there's no paragraphs, but it's kind of interesting.

    The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

  7. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeimuzu View Post
    I know it's hard to read because there's no paragraphs, but it's kind of interesting.
    If he isn't getting laid, no white wall of text is worth me reading.

  8. Default

    I made paragraphs for you pink, you blind bastard.

  9. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by yed View Post
    I made paragraphs for you pink, you blind bastard.
    You forgot to indent.
    "Nothing beats the hobo life, stabbin folks with my hobo "


  10. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by yed View Post
    I made paragraphs for you pink, you blind bastard.

    Thanks

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