Words of Advice

[mag36]

ok heres the deal,

You need to come up with Words of advice that someone has givin you or something funny that you have heard been said.

For example:
My grandfather- "If you cant see marrying the bitch, then you dont need to be fucking her "

and here are some other ones i've heard or read.

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."

"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."

[maynard]

lmfao your grandpa pwwns Lol

[EVL_Ripper]

[walterbrunswick]

Well said.

[loka]

I always get told this, but...

"the young ones always come back"

[Jeimuzu]

"When in doubt, bring a sniper out." - Cousin

"Mess with the best, die like the rest." - Cousin

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list." - Friend Charles

"Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open." - Friend Charles

"Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath." - Friend Charles

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." - Me... <.<'

[Clone]

"I don't need to like them to fuck them"

"Trust no one"

"Your lucky your a chick and not a dude or I'd fucking punch you so hard.... whatever *WACK*"

Clone

[DJ_MikeyRevile]

" does it matter how big it is? it fits, goes in and out, and squirts just like normal, the only difference is that i have to buy abnormally large... STOP THINKING ABOUT SEX PERV" --Some Guy

[DJ_MikeyRevile]

I MADE ONE UP

" if everyone lived 100% moral life, thre would never be time for adventure" -- ME!

[ChronicVT]

~*~ Nothing is illegal, until you get caught!

~*~ Everything is fun and games, until someone loses an eye... then it is friggin' hilarious!

~*~ A blind man pissing in the wind will always have it come back to him in the end.

~*~ Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it.

~*~ The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

~*~ It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but equally true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

~*~ Women are know it alls, men know all about women

~*~ Never take life seriously, nobody gets out of it alive.

~*~ You laugh because I'm different... I laugh cause I just farted!

~*~ Masterbating does not lead to blindness, but is still fun to try!

~*~ Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. - Jerry Garcia an American musician best known for his work with the band the Grateful Dead

~*~ When the Energizer Bunny is finally arrested, he'll be charged with battery.

~*~ Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if it is stupid.

~*~ Excuses are like arm pits, everyone has 'em and they all stink.

~*~ The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

~*~ Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

~*~ Where there is a will, there are relatives.

~*~ A penny saved is a Jewish nightmare.

~*~ Support the right to bear arms, wear short sleeves.

~*~ It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

~*~ If you find the perfect woman and marry, start working on plan B.

~*~ What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

~*~ There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

~*~ There are always three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

~*~ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

~*~ One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." - George W. Bush, Jr. former President of United States of America

~*~ Animal testing is a terrible idea; they just get nervous and give the wrong answers.

~*~ The road to success is always under construction.

~*~ Employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to management is knowing which mules are which.

~*~ Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to talk to himself.

~*~ If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

~*~ "Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams, comedian

~*~ "I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them." - George W. Bush, Jr. former President of United States of America

~*~ Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

~*~ Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

~*~ How many roads must a man walk down, before he realizes he's lost?

~*~ The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

~*~ When your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

~*~ "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams, author of Hitch Hicker's Guide 5 book trilogy

~*~ Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

~*~ You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson American cartoon icon

~*~ Women age like fine wine and gets better with age, so why don't we lock them in the cellar?

~*~ Women are like phones. They love to be held, talked too, and if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

~*~ The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

~*~ When I die, I want to go as peaceful as my Grandfather, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in the car.

~*~ "Women know they can't own it, but can always find it; Men know what the own, but can't find it." - Chronic

~*~ There are two ways to tell if you masterbate too much: One his that hair will begin to grow on the palms of your hands, the second is you'll look for it!

~*~ He who laughs last didn't get it.




~Rogue