Sooner or later, 69 is gonna be in your face.

[walterbrunswick]

Holy shit!

In Soviet Russia, HOCKEY PLAYS YOU!

[Nemesis]

just playing around, seeing if it'll work.

[-=NYS=- C.O.]

Sportscasters, especially local have to be homers. I always want to stab my ears when I hear Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Terribad.

Tim McCarver is the worst. He's always hatin' on the Yankees. Fuckin' faggot !

[Lovely Ritta]

I know this is completely off topic but I've given up on being on-topic on Ibis forums, I was on another forum when I saw this post and I couldn't resist because this is just so damn funny, makes me want to go cyber with someone, HARRRRRR!:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This conversation is real. It took place over AOL Instant Messenger. Only
the names have been changed to protect starcrftmaniac and PunkgirlAngl, I mean, the innocent.

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an [censored]
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't ****ing laugh at me!
Boy: This **** is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ****ing break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ****ing sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be ****ed if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my [censored] won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a ****ing [censored].
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your [censored]
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your [censored].
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your [censored]?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against
them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet [censored].
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your [censored] get more moist with every
stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your [censored].
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ***.
Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your [censored].
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ***
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ***.
Girl: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU [censored]!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

[Curdy]

wow thanks ritta for the most intresting breakfast read of my life.

im kinda speechless at the moment.

edit!

im finding it super hard not to die laughing right now...

[whytboiz33]

so i guess this is the topic when geeks talk about sports.

[Christmas]

so i guess this is the topic when geeks talk about sports.

Man, what a hater.

[Magic Tortoise]

lol Yeah, girls have to develop it so we can spot and ward off creepies. You know who I'm talking about...

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."(Metro Radio)

I saw these on some blog:
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria...I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."

Murray Walker: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

Alan Minter: "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing -- but none of them serious."

Terry Venables: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"

Ron Atkinson: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it... you can see it all over their faces."

Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

Metro Radio: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

US tv commentator: "One of the reasons Arnold Palmer is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Rofl XD this is like hilarious, i especially like the boxing 1

[Revived]

Lol Damn, Ritta.. I thought I deleted all of those records, I guess she must have kept them for memories. Well I guess the cat's out of the bag now so here's another one:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

[Lovely Ritta]

Lol Damn, Ritta.. I thought I deleted all of those records, I guess she must have kept them for memories.

Damn straight I did, I loved how you said Harrr for me, you bad, bad pirate.


And WTF?!?! I thought you only roleplayed BritneySpears14 for me.=[ WHO THE HELL IS BLOODNINJA!?? I'm gonna kick your ass for cheating one me like that!