(828):
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
(828):
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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(336):
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
(828):
how high are you?
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(828):
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
(828):
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
(828):
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
(828):
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
(402):
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
(402):
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
(828):
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
(704):
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
(704):
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
(704):
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
(704):
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
(704):
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
(704):
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
(704):
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
(704):
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
(704):
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
(704):
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
(704):
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
(1-704):
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
(704):
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
(803):
Genius.
(704):
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
(704):
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
(704):
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
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Originally Posted by Zero
