I dreamed I made a thread, then I did.

[Ren]

This one is about cooking.

Fuck cooking!

This morning I tried to make pancakes (just mix & water). The first one turned out okay. The second one burnt to a crisp. The third one burnt to a semi-crisp. Then I gave up and did dishes instead.

I have ruined spaghetti, grilled cheese, macaroni & cheese, and any other number of easy things. Hell, I think I'm just cursed when it comes to food in general. Last night I took out a tub of vegetables I had in the fridge, and as I was holding them, I said, "Man, I love these vegetables," and promptly dropped them all over the floor.

I think that one of my big problems is that cooking isn't all the precise—it requires estimation & a good memory. I can't eyeball measurements, I can't remember what I'm supposed to set the burner to, and I can't tell when something is done.

So next time you tell me to get in the kitchen, you should probably just order out.

[Holy-Sonic]

How do you fail with mac and cheese

[Ren]

How do you fail with mac and cheese

Okay, that one was kind of awesome. I was in college and all proud of myself for making mac & cheese from a box. Then I go to pour the powdery cheese stuff in and it's brown. So I look at the box, and it had expired 11 years ago. I don't even know how it got there.

[Rapedollar$]

L2 read the directions?

[acolyte_to_jippity]

what rape said. and mac and cheeze can be deceptively hard.

the first firealarm that went off in my building last term (2nd night we were there btw) it was because some drunk person down on 2nd floor wanted some of those easy mac microwavable things...but didn't put any water in, set the microwave for too long, and then forgot about them.

[Rapedollar$]

its not that mac n cheese can be deceptively hard, its that people can be deceptively stupid.

[Ren]

its not that mac n cheese can be deceptively hard, its that people can be deceptively stupid.

Hey, fuck you! Just because I can't cook doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Other things mean I'm an idiot.

[StarsMine]

Cooking is easy. if you cant eyeball measure, use measuring tools

[Clone]

A monkey could cook mac and cheese and could probably understand the pictures on the side of the box that shows you what to do....

http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/2391/kraftmacaroniandcheeses.png (http://img37.imageshack.us/i/kraftmacaroniandcheeses.png/)

Clone

[Ren]

Geez, you people are hardasses! So all of you can cook, eh? FANTASTIC! Maybe you should take turns cooking me dinner, then. SINCE YOU'RE ALL SO AWESOME AT IT.

[acolyte_to_jippity]

hey, at least she was in the kitchen like she should be lol

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

That's ok just stock upon Twinkies and you'll be set for life.

[acolyte_to_jippity]

:nods: twinkies will ride out the apocolypse

[Rapedollar$]

hey, at least she was in the kitchen like she should be lol

i lol'd... i lol'd good

how are you suppose to stay busy in the kitchen if you dont know how to cook?

well i guess you could clean...

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

I guess things are different in Canada, so Walter are you a pro cook or do you suck to? :D

also GOGO CANADA because I don't care who wins the Olympics Hokey game :3

[washythebreaker]

hey, at least she was in the kitchen like she should be lol

LMFAO ren you just got told.

[Rage]

I've burnt eggs while trying to boil them. Idk how the fuck I managed that. I suck in the kitchen but put me infront of a grill and i'll destroy people with how good i am.

[uuntiltheendd]

ren im sure walter will happy to come over there and whip something up for you. :icon_mrgreen:

i can cook/grill just about anything but hamburgers. i know its lame but i think its because i try and put too much stuff in the meat before i cook them. i mean yea, i can take them out of the package, shape them, put salt and pepper on them, and cook them, but thats just too plain for me. i like to add things to the meat but i always end up burning them or they dont stick together :banghead:

[Ren]

I really wish I were skilled enough to make an omelette. :\

[Andrew_Pavlik]

Good luck finding a man.

[acolyte_to_jippity]

omlettes are easy as shit.

scramble some eggs, pour it into the pan, let cook for a min or so, lay some slices of velveta down, some crunchy fried onion thingies, some chopped ham and then flip over one side of the omlette onto itself to fold everything over. let that cook to seal a bit and flip the whole thing. finish cooking and voila! delicious omlette!

[XxMastagunzxX]

Any woman that destroys mac n cheese is evil. :pistols:

[acolyte_to_jippity]

technically, ren didn't break the mac'n cheese. she only tried to use it and it was 11 years expired

----------------
Now playing: Nickelback - Shakin' Hands (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/nickelback/track/shakin+hands)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[XxMastagunzxX]

How the fuck do you get 11 year old mac n cheese? Was the box not really old looking? :lmao:

[Ren]

How the fuck do you get 11 year old mac n cheese? Was the box not really old looking? :lmao:

It was REALLY bizarre! I have no idea how it happened. Everything looked fine and dandy until I opened the cheese.

[acolyte_to_jippity]

methinks ren exagerated. you know how she tends to do that

----------------
Now playing: Three Days Grace - Just Like You (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/three+days+grace/track/just+like+you)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[Ren]

methinks ren exagerated. you know how she tends to do that

Nope, it was definitely 11 years old. I remember it clearly.

[acolyte_to_jippity]

just like that girl was definately 17 when you met her right?

she was 14 you sick fuck!

----------------
Now playing: Nickelback - How You Remind Me (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/nickelback/track/how+you+remind+me)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[Scrubbleboo]

I love to cook. I am a master chef! :D I also love baking. Plus YT is a sushi chef, so we have a golden kitchen lol.

[Ren]

I love to cook. I am a master chef! :D I also love baking. Plus YT is a sushi chef, so we have a golden kitchen lol.

I'm actually okay with baking. The instructions are much more precise.

[Scrubbleboo]

I'm actually okay with baking. The instructions are much more precise.

Yeah, agreed. If you really want precise instructions there are plenty of recipes that will give you them. If you ever have any questions about terminology or even step-by-step instructions that are in more detail, feel free to PM me. Some people just can't cook, but I don't think you're beyond being able to. <3

My favorite site by far is http://allrecipes.com

[A Baby Panda]

Yeah, agreed. If you really want precise instructions there are plenty of recipes that will give you them. If you ever have any questions about terminology or even step-by-step instructions that are in more detail, feel free to PM me. Some people just can't cook, but I don't think you're beyond being able to. <3

My favorite site by far is http://allrecipes.com

I watch the Food Network... ALL OF THE TIME

[Ren]

Yeah, agreed. If you really want precise instructions there are plenty of recipes that will give you them. If you ever have any questions about terminology or even step-by-step instructions that are in more detail, feel free to PM me. Some people just can't cook, but I don't think you're beyond being able to. <3

My favorite site by far is http://allrecipes.com

Yeah, the terminology trips me up a little sometimes. I don't understand the difference between chop, dice, and mince... I'd rather them give me approximate sizes rather than vague verbs. And instead of "simmer", tell me what heat to turn the stove knob to! Stuff like that. I love specifics.

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

Yeah, the terminology trips me up a little sometimes. I don't understand the difference between chop, dice, and mince... I'd rather them give me approximate sizes rather than vague verbs. And instead of "simmer", tell me what heat to turn the stove knob to! Stuff like that. I love specifics.


"simmer down" does that help? lol

[acolyte_to_jippity]

chop is just quickly chopping stuff. you chop w/ a knife a few times, reducing to approx. pieces 1/16th the original. dice is chopping the chopped stuff, bringing you to approx. 1/32nd the original. mince is basically getting a mortar and pestle and grinding ingridient into a fine powder, taking a razer and making a line...

[-=NYS=- C.O.]

How about cooking Deez Nutz.

[walterbrunswick]

I guess things are different in Canada, so Walter are you a pro cook or do you suck to? :D

:lmao:

My family's ancestry is European, so we have some experience.

My mother, grandmothers and aunts are damn fine cooks and bakers. Pretty much all the women. My aunt in Cleveland regularly bakes around 40 torts/cakes and sells them to friends & relatives.

I can cook too, somewhat. I've been living pretty much alone for 3 years now, so you learn. You make mistakes but you learn. (I prefer working in the workshop or the garage though.)


Great pancake houses in WV btw.

And I can make good French Toast :D (it's killer with REAL Maple Syrup)!

[Ren]

http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/nn156/kbluebird/i%20miss%20the%20internet/tumblr_kxm4qs8F9O1qa49tx.jpg

[Starfish :3]

Yeah, agreed. If you really want precise instructions there are plenty of recipes that will give you them. If you ever have any questions about terminology or even step-by-step instructions that are in more detail, feel free to PM me. Some people just can't cook, but I don't think you're beyond being able to. <3

My favorite site by far is http://allrecipes.com


oooooh interesting, just found some good cookie recipes there =D *prints* seems very well explained too :3

[Abandoned]

A monkey could cook mac and cheese and could probably understand the pictures on the side of the box that shows you what to do....

http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/2391/kraftmacaroniandcheeses.png (http://img37.imageshack.us/i/kraftmacaroniandcheeses.png/)

Clone

LMFAO :lmao::lmao::lmao: Clone does it again! fucking epic!

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

should rename this

"Woman learns how to cook"
Front page

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Ren]

http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/nn156/kbluebird/i%20miss%20the%20internet/tumblr_kxm43e9Gyl1qa49tx.jpg

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/704901/80775027.jpg

[Scrubbleboo]

chop is just quickly chopping stuff. you chop w/ a knife a few times, reducing to approx. pieces 1/16th the original. dice is chopping the chopped stuff, bringing you to approx. 1/32nd the original. mince is basically getting a mortar and pestle and grinding ingridient into a fine powder, taking a razer and making a line...


You can mince with a knife...and it's not powder. It's just very fine. For example:

http://pinchmysalt.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/img_3451.jpg

@Star: I know, that site is legit!
@Ren: http://www.newitalianrecipes.com/cooking-terms.html

[acolyte_to_jippity]

You can mince with a knife...and it's not powder. It's just very fine. For example:

http://pinchmysalt.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/img_3451.jpg

@Star: I know, that site is legit!
@Ren: http://www.newitalianrecipes.com/cooking-terms.html

:sigh: i know scrubs. i was just trying to torture ren.

[StarsMine]

@Star: I know, that site is legit!
[/URL]
At first I was like what the hell did I post!
And then I had to go through the thread to relize you ment Starfish :lmao:

[Scrubbleboo]

At first I was like what the hell did I post!
And then I had to go through the thread to relize you ment Starfish :lmao:

Hahahha. :lmao:

[Ren]

The only thing I mince around here is words.

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

grammar mincer

here you go Ren have fun, http://cleverbot.com/

I played it because he fixes my grammar as a retort

[Ren]

grammar mincer

here you go Ren have fun, http://cleverbot.com/

Shut up, Ninja, get on my horse.


Edit: Okay, now I'm talking to Cleverbot. I've done this before, the whole point being to get him to say something inappropriate.

Cleverbot: Hehe, so what you up to tonight'.
User: Making some sweet potato fries for dinner.
Cleverbot: So you want me to leave?
User: No, no.
Cleverbot: Then my place or yours?
User: Ooh, looks who's kinky! Mine please.
Cleverbot: You're a towel.
User: Owned.

He's getting good at his insults. :(

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

Shut up, Ninja, get on my horse.

Shut up Ren, get on mine

Save a horse, Ride a Ninja


lol I just said no you over and over and eventually got the towel response

[acolyte_to_jippity]

grammar mincer

here you go Ren have fun, http://cleverbot.com/

I played it because he fixes my grammar as a retort

i prefer to use jabberwacky.

my cs proffessor demonstrated it last term, as an example of something (no clue what) to a visiting middle school class. We were going for like 5 min and Prof said "wow, normally we have to stop this by now because it gets inappropriate" right as he said that, jabberwacky replied to his messege "do you want to do it in the earth? It's been ever so long."

[Ren]

User: Voulez vous coucher avec moi se soir?
Cleverbot: Non, pas ce soir, je suis fatigué.

Ooh, he just shut me down in French! Sexay.



Cleverbot: What do you look like?
User: Like your mother, but with a longer beard.
Cleverbot: No really?
User: Seriously! It's the truth!
Cleverbot: It is not the truth. It's mean that you say that!
User: Okay, okay. I look like a cross between Gwyneth Paltrow and Robin Williams.
Cleverbot: Oh, well, I was hoping for something else...

Okay, I'll stop now.

[KaMiKaZi_NiNjA]

I lol'd

http://www.cleverbot.com/j2convbydate-qv15884

[ChronicVT]

My new wife (2nd to most) used to cook... In fact my first wife (obviously the ex-wife now) and I used to go over to the current wife's home for many a good Vermont hearty meal... one of the reasons I loved about the new wife... but since she is now my wife and from this day forth I can say my (current) wife CAN NOT cook... well maybe that is harsh... she can make instant potatoes (shivers) pretty well... give her a glass, some diet cola, and maybe some ice; she'll make herself a drink... buy her chocolate, chips and dip... she'd have a complete meal... The problem is not that you can't cook... everyone can cook... just some not as good as others... My ex-wife burnt boiling water not once, not even twice but on four seperate occasions... some would say I'm a redneck version of a chef with my soups, stews and pasteries... but I am never satisfied with what I make... cooking is actually repetition with constant striving for perfection that is never met...

And if your bothered by the burning of your foods... don't think you can't cook... maybe your expertise is something along the lines of Blackened Catfish, Lamb Roast, Plantas, Brisk, or come to one of our Vermont Pig Roasts... least when you burn these it is on purpose... some foosds are meant to be burnt... just try changing up the menu...

[XxMastagunzxX]

My family lives in the south and my grandmothers can cook like a mother fucker. :icon_mrgreen:

[acolyte_to_jippity]

wait, chronic, you and your first wife used to go over to your current wife's house for dinner, but your current wife can't cook anymore?

wtf?

[ChronicVT]

My second wife (current wife) was cousin by marriage... my ex-wife's sister had a child with a dirt bag named George... George then impregnated my current wife with two girls... I (by marriage) was touch hole relations to my current wife... who yes, was our baby sitter... After divorcing my first wife (my ex-) I was no longer "related to my current wife... The former child care provider, friend, turned lover and now married too... The cooking was a side dish...

[StarsMine]

My second wife (current wife) was cousin by marriage... my ex-wife's sister had a child with a dirt bag named George... George then impregnated my current wife with two girls... I (by marriage) was touch hole relations to my current wife... who yes, was our baby sitter... After divorcing my first wife (my ex-) I was no longer "related to my current wife... The former child care provider, friend, turned lover and now married too... The cooking was a side dish...

Fuck that is one hard ass story to follow:headache:

[washythebreaker]

LMFAO :lmao::lmao::lmao: Clone does it again! fucking epic!

And that is why Clone is awesome. ;)

[ChronicVT]

Try living it... Ex-wife got pregnant 6 months before she left me for my "Best Friend/ Business Partner" whom she had been having this affair less than two weeks after my vasectomy and our youngest child was born... and this guy was the same guy who slept with my ex-wife, when she divorced her first husband (and her ex-husband and my business partner were best friends and roommates)... Jerry Springer has nothing like this... and we're working on the broken nose with the chair episode...

[Scrubbleboo]

Try living it... Ex-wife got pregnant 6 months before she left me for my "Best Friend/ Business Partner" whom she had been having this affair less than two weeks after my vasectomy and our youngest child was born... and this guy was the same guy who slept with my ex-wife, when she divorced her first husband (and her ex-husband and my business partner were best friends and roommates)... Jerry Springer has nothing like this... and we're working on the broken nose with the chair episode...

Let me put this simply:

Can your current wife cook well? Yes or no.

[walterbrunswick]

Thread direction: cooking -> AI bots -> ex-wives -> cooking

[ChronicVT]

When people marry... something always changes, just after the "I do's"... My new wife seems to have lost her ability to cook... I seemed to have lost my desire to have sex with her... But good thing I took those Home Economics Classes in High School... My children prefer my cooking to thier mothers cooking... So I do 95% of the cooking... and 100% time looking for new place to eat (if you know what I mean)...?

[uuntiltheendd]

When people marry... something always changes, just after the "I do's"... My new wife seems to have lost her ability to cook... I seemed to have lost my desire to have sex with her... But good thing I took those Home Economics Classes in High School... My children prefer my cooking to thier mothers cooking... So I do 95% of the cooking... and 100% time looking for new place to eat (if you know what I mean)...?
well thats good that you dont mind doing the cooking as far as i can tell.. when i get married, my wife better know how to cook me some good food! and dont get caught looking for other places to eat! lol

[Ren]

well thats good that you dont mind doing the cooking as far as i can tell.. when i get married, my wife better know how to cook me some good food! and dont get caught looking for other places to eat! lol

You and I can never be.

[uuntiltheendd]

You and I can never be.

lol im going to need to be catered to! i can cook but i will not be doing it every night.

oh btw, i got my pump yesterday. you need to move back to the states and get some better insurance so you can get one!

[acolyte_to_jippity]

lol im going to need to be catered to! i can cook but i will not be doing it every night.

oh btw, i got my pump yesterday. you need to move back to the states and get some better insurance so you can get one!

...i'm not going to say it...ah fuck it.

sweedish made?

[Ren]

lol im going to need to be catered to! i can cook but i will not be doing it every night.

oh btw, i got my pump yesterday. you need to move back to the states and get some better insurance so you can get one!

Fuck you!

In the States, my parents were paying $250+ per month for my insurance and there was a $2,500 deductable! I'm getting off waaaay easier in Canada, and I get a buttload money back on my tax return for all my prescriptions.

[uuntiltheendd]

...i'm not going to say it...ah fuck it.

sweedish made?
yes, its sweedish made.

Fuck you!

In the States, my parents were paying $250+ per month for my insurance and there was a $2,500 deductable! I'm getting off waaaay easier in Canada, and I get a buttload money back on my tax return for all my prescriptions.

oh dayum, nvm then..

[Ren]

Okay, guys. I'm going to try to cook again tonight. And it's mac & cheese-involved, so that should make you happy.

It's a mac & cheese dish that involves browning ground beef (the horror!) and adding Italian tomatoes & shredded cheese (GASP!).

Watch as I fuck this up.

[uuntiltheendd]

good luck and dont burn your house down!

[Ren]

good luck and dont burn your house down!

Geez, is that my new tagline or something?


Edit: SHOCK & AWE!

http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/nn156/kbluebird/_MG_3834v2.jpg

[walterbrunswick]

Tomato overboard on ye starboard side, matey!

[StarsMine]

Geez, is that my new tagline or something?


Edit: SHOCK & AWE!

http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/nn156/kbluebird/_MG_3834v2.jpg

what! bullshit, you googled that:lmao:

[uuntiltheendd]

Geez, is that my new tagline or something?


Edit: SHOCK & AWE!

http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/nn156/kbluebird/_MG_3834v2.jpg

looks good. id eat it.

[AI_Scout]

That looks delicious. Hope it tastes as good as it looks.

[Ren]

That looks delicious. Hope it tastes as good as it looks.

It was actually pretty good!

For tonight's feature, I gotta figure out something to do with all these freaking carrots...

[uuntiltheendd]

It was actually pretty good!

For tonight's feature, I gotta figure out something to do with all these freaking carrots...

do you know how to cook stew? you can put a lot of carrots in that.
im not a fan of cooked carrots. i dont really know of many dishes that i like that have cooked carrots.

[StarsMine]

It actually does look good ren. as for carrots, I dont really know. Im not a big fan of them cooked, use them in a salad or something.

[acolyte_to_jippity]

carrots aren't too hard. wait, are they baby carrots?

if they are baby ones, put them in a caserol dish, w/ some water. cover them w/ foil i think, and squirt in some maple syrup. then, after they're done cooking, sprinkle some brown sugar on top of them before serving/eating.

delish

[Ren]

carrots aren't too hard. wait, are they baby carrots?

if they are baby ones, put them in a caserol dish, w/ some water. cover them w/ foil i think, and squirt in some maple syrup. then, after they're done cooking, sprinkle some brown sugar on top of them before serving/eating.

delish

Oooooh...

They aren't baby carrots, but could I just cut 'em up and do that with them? That sounds RIDICULOUSLY good. Nothing like sullying the healthiness of veggies by adding lotsa sugar. <3

[uuntiltheendd]

Oooooh...

They aren't baby carrots, but could I just cut 'em up and do that with them? That sounds RIDICULOUSLY good. Nothing like sullying the healthiness of veggies by adding lotsa sugar. <3

yea i read acolytes post and thought he must not know you haz the beetus.

maple syrup and brown sugar? yes, i would love to go into a coma!

[acolyte_to_jippity]

yea i read acolytes post and thought he must not know you haz the beetus.

maple syrup and brown sugar? yes, i would love to go into a coma!

oh, oops.

by maple syrip i meant mrs. buttersworth and by brown sugar i of course meant insulin

<_< >_>