Post a joke

[- |STFU Bitch| -]

A man and woman with 2 children, son and daughter, are having sex, as usual the husband has the lights turned off, as it has been for 9 years of marriage. finally the wife decides to turn them on and sees her husband using a cucumber instead of his own manhood. angered she screams, "your not a man, ur a disgrace and a failure as a husband and a lover!"

the husband replies, "care to explain our 2 children?" (ya i worded that wrong eat me)

[Ren]

A man and woman with 2 children, son and daughter, are having sex, as usual the husband has the lights turned off, as it has been for 9 years of marriage. finally the wife decides to turn them on and sees her husband using a cucumber instead of his own manhood. angered she screams, "your not a man, ur a disgrace and a failure as a husband and a lover!"

the husband replies, "care to explain our 2 children?" (ya i worded that wrong eat me)

So... He used a cucumber on her for years and years just to test and see if she was cheating on him and would get pregnant? Not that it seemed to concern him, because after she had already had two children, he's just sitting there plugging away with the cucumber like always.

IT MAKES NO SENSE, AUGH.

[ChronicVT]

A husband and wife are snuggling in bed when the passion begins to heat up.

Suddenly then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

Befuddled the husband responded quite taken back, "WHAT???"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. As they lie there snuggling, the two drift off to sleep.

The next morning the husband decides to take his wife shopping at a Macy's Department Store. As they walk around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, "We 'll take all three of them." Then goes over and grabs a pair of matching shoes worth $200 each.

Later they stop to the Jewelry Department and check out a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited, though she thinks her husband has lost his marbles, however she pay no mind. She goes for a tennis bracelet.

The husband says "But Honey, you don 't even play tennis," but quickly replies, "But, if you really like it, then lets get it."

The wife gets so excited, she cannot even believe what is going on, and she begins jumping up and down. So excited she can hardly contain herself. "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

The husband repiles, " No, no no... Honey, we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red as she is about to explode when the husband continues, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

~Rogue

[ChronicVT]

A married couple were in a terrible accident, where the woman's face had been severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body, because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable for the proceedure would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife discussed it and agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


~Rogue

[Hitman]

A married couple were in a terrible accident, where the woman's face had been severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body, because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable for the proceedure would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife discussed it and agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


~Rogue

Of all the jokes you posted so far really sucked but this one actually made me laugh.

Bravo, bravo

[Jeimuzu]

A husband and wife are snuggling in bed when the passion begins to heat up.

Suddenly then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

Befuddled the husband responded quite taken back, "WHAT???"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. As they lie there snuggling, the two drift off to sleep.

The next morning the husband decides to take his wife shopping at a Macy's Department Store. As they walk around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, "We 'll take all three of them." Then goes over and grabs a pair of matching shoes worth $200 each.

Later they stop to the Jewelry Department and check out a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited, though she thinks her husband has lost his marbles, however she pay no mind. She goes for a tennis bracelet.

The husband says "But Honey, you don 't even play tennis," but quickly replies, "But, if you really like it, then lets get it."

The wife gets so excited, she cannot even believe what is going on, and she begins jumping up and down. So excited she can hardly contain herself. "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

The husband repiles, " No, no no... Honey, we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red as she is about to explode when the husband continues, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

~Rogue

That was awesome.. I'm so doing that if this ever happens to me.

[Jeimuzu]

http://www.cracked.com/funny-2724-trolls/